


Boom

by Elsinore_and_Inverness



Category: Discworld
Genre: Gen, The title is the punchline, Year of the Condescending Carp, Zoom - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:34:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23549233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elsinore_and_Inverness/pseuds/Elsinore_and_Inverness
Summary: As plague descends, Ankh-Morpork’s most... prolific... businessman introduces audio visual communications
Relationships: Moist Von Lipwig/Adora Belle Dearheart
Comments: 10
Kudos: 30





	Boom

There are few downsides to being able to speak to rats. 

Feeling helpless when the rats were in crisis was one of them. 

But they’d bought him time. He’d contacted the newspapers. Mentioned the scorpion pit (probably too many times) and adjusting the Assassin’s and Thieves Guild rates for those found congregating in the streets. Sacharissa Cripslock and the others had stared at him like he had finally gone mad. 

Then he’d sent an urgent Clacks to Mr. Lipwig and Ms. Dearheart explaining the situation. He needed someone who could sell the narrative. A cold-blooded assassin explicating statistics from a century ago was only going to inspire disorganized panic.

Lipwig sent back a single line Clacks.

IT IS SAFER TO BE FEARED. HV 73

This was followed by another.

TAKE CARE. WE’LL DO WHAT WE CAN. ABD.

And so it was that a message was sent to every Clacks tower in Ankh-Morpork impressing the need to stay apart for everyone’s sake and the assurance of the delivery of food and necessities and the availability of safe housing. They left the Patrician to deal with the wrath of the Merchant’s Guild. Hopefully. They already hated Moist for recklessly altering the money supply. 

CMOT Dibbler was thinking about sing-a-grams. They were a new experiment by the Musician’s Guild. What you did was pay a few members of the Guild to go sing particularly annoying songs to your friends or people you didn’t like until your friends or the people you didn’t like paid them to go away. Brick Asphalt’s “I’m Definitely Gonna Give You Up” was a popular choice. This was referred to as “Brickrolling” on the grounds that it sounded like a brick being thrown down a steep hill. 

If he could get imps to do the same thing with spoken words he might have a major breakthrough. If the imps could learn to read and write Clacks there was the potential for speed-of-Clacks long-distance verbal communication. Combined with a moving picture box it would be like the other person was really there. 

He was about to have a big break. 

“Why’s it called ‘Boom?’” Adora asked.

Moist shrugged. “I think that’s what he thinks Ephebians shout when they leap out of their baths.”

“But it’s not, though.”

“Marketing doesn’t care about accuracy.”


End file.
